Food Friend Zone on a Friday

I started a Tumblr today which will be more informal posts. Here is a small peek:

All day I had been thinking about an STP Dipper sandwich from Groucho’s Deli.  The sandwich has roast beef, turkey, Swiss cheese, bacon crumbs and special dipping sauce. I haven’t had it in almost a year because 1. I’m frugal and don’t usually eat out. 2. Been away from campus doing internships and the Disney College Program 3. I usually go to Panera Bread.

Anyways, I was trying to update my portfolio and do research but all I could think about was that sandwich. You know when you have a craving for something and nothing will satisfy it except for that thing you are craving?

So I forced myself out of my comfy spot, pulled on my pants, boots, winter gear, tied my hair up into a cute ponytail and trekked out into the cold to fulfill my craving.

I was really hungry and looking forward to all that cheesy melty goodness filling up my tummy. I arrived there at 8:20 and found out they close at 8pm but reopen from 10pm-3am for the bar crowd. So I had several choices: 1. Come back later 2. Go buy food somewhere else on Main Street 3. Go home. Eat soup.

Neither outcome would have left me very satisfied.

Long story short, I wound up going to Main Street Sliders and ordering 3 southwestern sliders: hamburger sliders with cheese, onion rings and BBQ Sauce. They were quite delicious but they weren’t what I wanted. While I ate it I thought about how much I wish I was eating the STP instead. As I sat there chewing, I compared the situation to the friend zone.

The STP is the person you really want but, for some reason, can’t have. Maybe because the STP is unreliable, or a lying bastard or canoodling with a SAS cupcake. The Slider is the person who you’ve put in the friend zone/ your safety net. The Slider is comfortable, fun (it’s a cute tiny burger!), reliable… but not what you want. Nothing wrong…just not what you want. You settle for hanging out with the Slider because you can’t get with the STP…

I finished my sliders by then and didn’t feel like finishing the metaphor…

On the walk home, I saw a tiny mouse skittering across the sidewalk but upon closer inspection, I realized it was just a crumpled leaf. Disappointed again.

 

Disney College Program: Things they DON’T tell you

I have been staring at a blank screen for the past two weeks trying to figure out how I even begin to talk about my Disney College Program (DCP) experience. I probably should have written events down as I went, but I was too busy living it

This was me during the Disney College Program when I wasn't at work

So I decided to start with this: a list of several things that DCP recruiters probably won’t tell you with a bit of my own personal advice. By no means is this list all-inclusive. In fact, it barley scratches the surface. I tried to be concise but gave up, so if you just want some quick advice to sum it up, scroll to the very bottom where it says “Cut to the Chase”.

A LOT of specific details in relation to this list have been left out to protect the innocent…and the guilty. I’ll cough them up eventually, but if you contact me, I’ll be more than happy to talk to you one-on-one about the more incriminating stories.

• The recruitment videos make you think that everyone is a clean-cut, peaches and cream candidate for the Brady Bunch. WRONG. Everyone is still a college kid (for the most part) i.e. horny, confused, crazy and likes to drink/ party. Only magnify this x10 because we don’t have classes, we all earn extra money so we can afford to go out, we all have irregular days off and we live in Orlando (but more on that stuff later).
• Vista Way = Vista Lay (This is where I lived) Apparently, Playboy named Vista Way apartment complex the second easiest place to get laid. My theory? A high concentration of gay males (because it’s Disney) who may or may not be promiscuous…which leaves a much smaller number of straight guys in proportion to straight girls…add in all of the characteristics of said parties being college kids…you do the math
• Have a relationship at your own risk. Whether you come to the program in a relationship or end up starting one (or several) in the DCP, it will be hard. Why? Because of long distances, the evanescence of your time in the program, and most of all, temptation. Refer to the above.
• Party Bus. You pay around $10 to get on a bus which takes you to clubs/ bars/ parties (mostly Downtown Orlando) depending on which day you go and who you go with. $10 covers the bus ride to club, admission and the bus ride home. If you are under 21, you may have to pay a little extra, which sucks. There are two competing busses: Will the Photographer and Kelvin Cast Party Bus. Clubs I went to most were Mako’s and Vain, but there are also Roxy, Bliss, Mojitos, and Bar One.
• Other nights: Sunday is Service Industry Night in House of Blues which means you show your Disney ID and get in for free if you’re 21+ or you pay $12 if you’re under 21. Wednesday is Buffalo Wild Wings (aka. BDUBS). If you are under 21, you pay $5 to get into the restaurant which they turn into a karaoke bar/ dance club. Amici’s and Falafel had events some nights as well. Personally, I think it’s ridiculous to pay to get into a restaurant.
• Something you need to understand: For most people who aren’t CP’s , the normal days to go out and party are Friday, Saturday and sometimes Thursday night. Why? Because those are the days people normally have off. However, CP’s all have different days off. I personally had Thursday and Friday, but some people have Monday and Tuesday etc. What does that mean? There is ALWAYS something going on so you can party EVERY SINGLE NIGHT if you want to.
• You will probably hate your job. I did Outdoor Foods in Animal Kingdom. My duties included standing on my feet for 8+ hours, being responsible for tons of money when they gave us shoddy equipment to work with such as cash registers which didn’t have claws, being forced to throw away tons of perfectly good food and talking to guests who thought I could read their minds.
• You are held responsible for everything. You are at the bottom of the totem pole. You will be underpaid and overworked so don’t do this program for the money; do it for the experience. You are under constant threat of termination or getting a reprimand for any reason (like calling out on a holiday). If you leave with a clean record, it’s probably because you didn’t have any fun =P
• Play hooky at least three times. Make sure you call out though. In my experience, some of the best days I had in the program were days when I called out sick/ personal. Since they weren’t my normal days off, I felt obligated to make it worth my while so I explored Orlando, not just Disney, with some friends. Some places I went to were an organic food place called Dandelion, a science museum, resorts with “beaches”, a sex shop in the seedy part of town, a Halloween store, and a palm reader’s house.
• What happens in Disney stays in Disney. This is the time to figure out your life and discover who you are or who you are trying to be. If you are ever torn between doing something or not doing something for whatever reason, just DO IT because it may be your only chance. MAKE MISTAKES because mistakes often make the best stories…and learning experiences.

Miscellaneous

• I don’t know if it’s just for the fall program but around holiday time, you get a holiday coupon book for things like a free round of mini golf, free popcorn, 50% off a meal at one of the Disney restaurants and 40% off of Disney Merchandise.
• In my experience, international guys can be the most touchy-feely. Honey, NO means NO in any language.
• Bring a car or make a friend who has one.
• The beds are rock hard…and tiny.
• Apparently, the apartments were donated to Disney by Coca-cola, so CP’s “legally” shouldn’t have to pay rent, but we did. When calculated out, it costs almost $2000 per month for six people to live in a three bedroom apartment in Vista Way (which is “cheap” compared to Patterson or Chatham). Rip off? We thought so.
• There were rumors of orgies going on in the Vista Way hot tub at 2am. There was also a rumor about some Chinese guys trying to catch one of the ducks around the pond so they could cook it.

Cut to the Chase: If given the chance, DO the Disney College Program. Calling it an “internship” is a bit of an over statement. As far as professional experience goes, probably the only, and frankly the most important, thing you will learn is what you NEVER want to do again for the rest of your life (i.e. a mind numbing, physically challenging, underpaying and overall crappy job). BUT you will also learn life lessons, meet a variety of people and have experiences that you will never have anywhere else. Just go in with both eyes open and an adventurous spirit.

DAK ODV Holiday Song

So I work in Disney Animal Kingdom Outdoor Vending for the Disney College Program this semester and I will write several posts about my whole experience over winter break.

Cut to the chase: In the mornings we have meetings where the managers basically brief us on things. One of my managers, Kevin, said in a meeting before Christmas that if someone came up with a decent Holiday Song about DAK ODV he would get that person lunch.

What is is "lid" you speak of?

 

So here it is Kevin, and I think you should throw in a Mickey bar as well To everyone else and especially to my DAK ODV peeps, Enjoy and Happy Holidays! (No one else will appreciate this song the way you guys will.)

DAK ODV Holiday Song

By Muriel Palanca

(Sing to tune of “Jingle Bells”- alternating verse and chorus)

 

V: I’ll catch the next bus ‘cause I’m already late.

I’ll probably get a half a point. It’s just another day.

Trying to count my bank as fast as I can

So I can open up on time. Don’t want a reprimand.

 

C: Got my hat and name tag, belt and no slip shoes.

I’ve given up my dignity. What more can I lose?

Peanut butter uniform. I’m in the Disney look.

Should have listened to my mom about the job I took.

 

V: Working at Kamals, stirring sauce and wings.

I hate that freaking fryer. Give me early release.

Stuck at MJT selling everything.

Nuts and pretzels, tap a keg. Too bad I cannot drink.

 

C: Cornivore sells popcorn. Their profit margin’s high.

Doesn’t help my paycheck. I need some overtime.

I wish I gave this shift away. I cannot stand the smell

Of vinegar and mass towels, cleaning grease myself.

 

V: Stand in front of carts. Interact with guests.

Talk about the animals. I swear I do my best.

But sometimes they are rude and have such whiney kids.

I’ll say it for the hundredth time, “This park does not have lids!!!”

 

C: Go straight down and to your left. Restroom’s on the right.

Sorry but Safari is closed for the night.

Everest or Dinosaur, the smoking section’s there.

To get to Camp Minnie Mickey look out for the blue bear.

 

V: I’m selling eggrolls in Bradley Falls next week.

Then I’m closing Funnel cake, Breaking Campfire Treats.

I’m not even trained in Rafiki’s Ice Cream cart.

Whoever made my schedule can kiss my Mickey Bar.

 

C: Oasis this, you missed a pot. I need to 11-4.

We’re out of Jalapeño Cheese and don’t have any more.

Inventory’s off by three. Fly fan isn’t on.

I got a void. My bank is short. Everything goes wrong.

 

V: The line will never end at Thai Bus or Tamu.

Aside from closing Gardens, I’ll be a breaker too.

And then there’s the parade; it’s like a second break

But it feels like the death of me when I wanna get to base.

 

C: It’s closing time. I’m almost done, but I still have to clean.

Melt the ice and wash the floors. Damn that drink machine!

Call for base to get a walk, inspection then bank out.

Run to catch the final bus. I’m glad it’s over now!!!

 

…But there’s always tomorrow…*sigh*…

What I Learned While Workin’ a Korner ;)

Here is it in a nutshell:

• Sometimes, the biggest parties leave the worst tips. A table of 9 had a $114 bill and left me a $3 tip.
• Making me fill the glass with ice saves money on fountain drinks but also makes you look like a cheapskate.
• When someone my age hits on me, it’s kind of flattering. When someone twice my age hits on me, it’s really creepy. When someone twice my age hits on me and doesn’t leave a good tip…that’s annoying.
• There will be dust if the rag you give me to clean the tables leaves dust behind. If you don’t like the dust then get new rags.
• I learned a lot about minimum wage laws (more on that later).
• The law doesn’t have much power over stubbornness and selfishness.
• Splitting tables with someone also splits tips.
• Superstitious people can screw you over. But I don’t mind if someone is superstitious in a way that benefits me.
• Sometimes a man does not like to hear the input of someone who is:

1. Talking to him like a reasonable, rational adult.
2. Right, according to a little something called the LAW.
3. A woman.
4. Taller than him.
5. All of the above.

It could be worse...at least it's not the other kind of furball...

I worked for three weeks as a server in a family owned, small business, buffet style restaurant. I wasn’t fired and I didn’t quit. I was only there three weeks because it was the time between the end of my Ezanga internship and a two week long trip to Washington.

When I first started, my boss made me choose between being paid minimum wage OR being paid $3 and tips. I knew a little something about minimum wage, even before research, because I have a decent amount of friends who are/ have been servers. You can make more with tips.

However I picked minimum wage because

1. He preferred to pay minimum wage since it would be easier for him to keep track of.
2. It isn’t T.G.I Fridays or Olive Garden where you have a steady stream of customers. It is also a buffet and some people are mixed on whether or not to tip.
3. He made it seem like getting tips would be such a gamble (when it should not have been) because….
4. Of the following conversation which was 90% of the reason why I chose minimum wage:

I asked my boss, “Well, if I pick $3 and tips and the tips aren’t enough to make minimum wage, will you add to it so it gets bumped up to minimum wage?” In short he said, “No.” I then asked, “But isn’t that what you are supposed to do?” He said, “Yes, but I’m not going to do that.”

*Quick Disclaimer*- Variations of this “Minimum Wage” conversation happened at least 3-4 different times. I emphasize that so ignorance on his part cannot be used as an excuse. Just to be clear: He would not add to my tips if I did not make minimum wage.

In the first week or so, my boss made me and the other servers put table tips into a little jar. Was it so we could pool the tips and divide it up amongst us servers? NO! It was for him to use as he so wished. He made us give him OUR tips.

I would like to point out that according to the Delaware Department of Labor Title 19, Chapter 9. Minimum Wage Section 902 (d)(2): “The employer shall not, under any circumstances, receive any portion of the gratuities received by the employees.”

It absolutely irked me to give someone else my hard earned tips. I didn’t really see credit card tips, so out of sight out of mind (well, still in mind), but to be forced to physically put my tips into someone else’s jar was mentally excruciating and cruel.

But I bit the bullet. After a week, another two servers were added but one was let go, leaving me and another server. By the next paycheck he said we could start working for tips instead which I was pretty happy about because we had to put a lot of tips into that jar and I wanted to keep my tips if only on principle.

Here’s the problem: He would have both of us on shift which meant we had to split tables between ourselves. This meant I got HALF as many tables and HALF as many tips. Also, the other server had this absolutely irrational phobia against the number 6 so she wanted the odd tables leaving me with the even ones. Why is that bad?

First party comes in, she gets it. Second party comes in, I get it. Third party comes in, she gets it and so on. By going first, she is always guaranteed at least one table. And she will always end up with one table more than me or the same amount.

It’s simple math that always equates to me being screwed.  Like I said, this isn’t the Olive Garden where you get a steady stream of customers. A four hour shift had around 2-7 tables come in and if we were splitting tables, I got HALF of that.

On top of that, my boss would not add to my tips if I didn’t make minimum wage (refer to above conversation). On one occasion when I pointed these problems out to him, he gave me “The Hand” and said “Don’t tell me how to run my business.”

In my head I thought, “The Hand? Really? Are we still in second grade? And I’m not telling you how to run your business. I’m merely mentioning what the LAW says. Thought you might like to know since what you are doing is illegal…”

I’d like to point out The Delaware Department of Labor Open Labor Law poster states under “Employees Who Receive Tips”, “The employer must be able to prove that the employee received the balance of the full minimum rate in tips.”

I’ll have you know that there were many shifts where I DID NOT receive enough in tips to make minimum wage. Oh, trust me, I kept track. This went on for my last two weeks there.

You want to know what the cherry on top is?

When I went back for my last paychecks he automatically deducted taxes from it AS IF I HAD MADE MINIMUM WAGE.

Look, I understand that taxes have to be paid. No one likes taxes and they aren’t even fair but that’s a different entry. What bothers me so much is that he deducted taxes on money that I DIDN’T EVEN MAKE!

Whatever… I chalk it all up to experience. That’s really why I took the job in the first place. I wanted to gain some serving experience and do something productive with my time because I go crazy if I’m sitting still. I didn’t mind doing the actual work like bussing tables, sweeping floors, taking orders, getting drinks, greeting people and giving tours of the buffet.

I did my job with a smile on my face and I did it well. The food was delicious and all the people I met were nice for the most part. As for the negative stuff, I’ll brush it off and move on. All experience is good experience and I learned a lot…

Like how it is probably best to write about these kinds of experiences AFTER you’ve received your final paycheck

How to say “I Love You.”

There are many synonyms for love such as affection, attraction, infatuation etc. but only “love” means LOVE, if that makes any sense. The Arabic language has words for different facets and intensities of love which the English language is lacking. The following are some kinds/ facets of love that I wish we had a separate word for.

They don't all mean the same thing.

“I love you family member.”

“I love you boyfriend/ girlfriend.” vs. “I love you husband/ wife.”

“I love you friendly acquaintance.” vs. “I love you best friend.”

“I love you inanimate object.” – It annoys me when people say they love an inanimate object like a nice pair of shoes or a car, but I’ll admit I’m a hypocrite because I constantly say how much I love food. I remember how little kids in kindergarten would say, “Well why don’t you marry it?” when someone would express love for a thing. It’s funny how little kids understand that the idea of loving an object is ludicrous yet we perpetuate that notion almost daily. Consumerism…*sigh*

“I love you animal.”- Our society worships pets. I do appreciate having a certain respect for animals but when Fluffy is dining on Fancy Feast and the homeless man is digging through the trash for his next meal, it makes me stop and wonder whether our priorities are in the right place. Regardless, most pet owners, including myself, would argue that animals take up a big chunk of our hearts (and our wallets =P ) and therefore deserve their own category of love. I agree.

“I love you but I don’t like you right now.” – This is mostly necessary during arguments. I think it’s important to remind people that as much as we love them, we just don’t feel particularly fond of them at the moment. That doesn’t mean we love them any less.

“I love you even though you don’t love me the way I want you to.”- Unrequited love: the heart of every great poem and song ever created. It’s a sad situation to be in but it hurts so good.

“I love you but not really.”- You don’t even know why you say it anymore. Maybe it’s just out of reflex. Maybe it’s because you don’t want to have to deal with the other person’s negativity as a consequence. The words are just as empty as your heart.

“I love you but I don’t know how much.” – You care about the other person in some way. It’s more than just “liking”, but is there potential for something more? Was it already something more and has it faded away?  Confused? I hear ya.

“I love you but I’m not in love with you.” – They’re wonderful: good-looking, funny, smart, kind, but… something is missing. This is sort of that gray area of emotion between best friend and “I fucking love you!” where you remain so close and yet so far. The sad thing is, I think most people who feel this way really wish they could feel…more for the other person, but they just don’t.

“I’m sorry.” – Sometimes, I think “I love you.” is just an apology in disguise. You want to say “I care about you enough to feel empathy and regret for hurting you.”

“I love you even though I shouldn’t” – This one deserves subcategories. It is used for the people who we care deeply about even though we know we shouldn’t for one reason or another.

1. In the words of Three Days Grace, “I know what’s best for me, but I want you instead.” Sometimes we love people who treat us like shit. You know you should hate them but your heart is a masochistic idiot.
2. Sometimes the timing is off and/or there are reasons why loving this person would end in disaster for the both of you. Maybe one isn’t in a position to give the other one what they need or being in a relationship with this person would cause a lot of collateral damage. Either way, this is a sad, frustrating situation that can lead to heartache or worse…regret.

“I love f***ing you.” – Basically, you care about the other person enough to touch your genitals to their genitals. Used for friends with benefits, booty calls and f*** buddies. May also be used for cuddle buddies and one night stands if the situation permits.

“I f***ing love you!” – For the kind of love you see in the movies. The kind of love that makes you run through airport security just so you can tell them how you feel or wait outside their window blaring their favorite song on a giant boom box held over your head. This is the Holy Grail, the crème de la crème, the cheesy, over-the-top, wildfire, Valentine monstrosity we all make fun of yet secretly strive for and long for.

Sunshine

So I haven’t written anything in the past 3 weeks because a lot of end-of-the-year events were happening along with finals which I had to study for. However, I made it through and now it is summer vacation!!

Honestly, I was really sad packing up my things because I realized half of my college experience is officially over…*sigh*. With every stuffed Aflac duck, birthday streamer, short film DVD, and event flier that I packed/organized/ threw away, my heart grew heavier as I reminisced about all I had accomplished and experienced this year.

However, I am not one to dwell on negative emotions so I would like to offer you a poem in honor of the wonderful summer season. I actually wrote this poem last summer for someone special who was away for a military deployment. It’s a short, simple poem about childlike innocence and love.

You're sweet =)

Sunshine

By Muriel Palanca

Hello there my friend. Please give me a smile.

I want to be your sunshine if only for awhile

And if a smile you cannot give, please save a place for me.

I’ll plant a seed inside your heart and let it grow into a tree.

Into the bark we’ll carve our names and hand in hand we’ll rest in peace.

Beneath the shade I’ll make a crown with the sticks and dewy leaves.

We’ll make our happy ending true before the winter comes to take

The warmth of sunlight in your eyes and the promise that we make

To never lose our childlike faith, to fight the battle though unsure,

To love each other for all time, and to always reach for more.

But if your love you cannot give, then for me please save a place

So I can warm your heart again and leave a smile upon your face.

I hope to have some awesome adventures this summer and I hope you do as well! Stay tuned

One Million Dollars vs. Magical Bunny

One Million Dollars vs. Magical Bunny?

If I had to choose one, which one would I choose?

I was sitting in class on Friday and the guest speaker was fairly boring so my mind started to wander off. I stared off into the empty space in front of my desk and found myself wishing there was something soft and adorable sitting in front of me.

Magical Bunny =)

I imagined a purple genie floating down from the heavens with one million dollars in one hand and a magical bunny in the other. He told me I had one day to try out each one without any residual consequences, meaning I could play with the bunny or spend the money but after 24 hours, everything would revert back to the way it was. After 24 hours I had to pick one. So in this fantasy scenario of mine I say “Yes! I accept!”.

My first inkling is to play with the bunny for a day and then choose the one million dollars…because that’s the smart thing to do and that’s what I am supposed to do. But upon deeper analysis, I find it isn’t that simple.

So let’s start with the obvious. If I had one million dollars, I would be pretty set for a good part of my life. I started planning what I would do with my imaginary million. First, I would help my parents pay off their debts and give them financial security. Personally, I’m one of those people who need to keep busy so I’ll use the money as a safety net and give myself the opportunity to pursue things of personal interest as opposed to working a crappy job to survive. Then I’ll get a solar powered car and a normal sized place to live. For the most part, the money will buy me time…time to do things I want to do.

So that is the logical, knee- jerk reaction most people have: take the million dollars. But then I started to really think about why I would pick the magical bunny.

In my fantasy, this magical bunny will be my lifelong friend, as in he won’t die until I die. He will be about two feet tall but he can change size to fit into my pocket. He will contain all of human intelligence up until the present and talk to me, so it’s a bit like having Google built in. He will NOT have the ability to create money, jewels, gold or anything of that nature, so he can’t magically create a million dollars. Most of all, he will be fluffy and adorable.

Half of me started questioning “Am I really considering choosing the magical bunny?” And my other half said “Mmmm…yeah.”

But why? Well…one million dollars is A LOT of money and can make a huge difference in anyone’s life if used properly. However, money changes its value and can be printed to the point of worthlessness. And though it’s cliché, money can’t buy everything…such as a magical bunny =)

I mean, how many times have you seen a magical bunny? A REAL magical bunny?! Never? Yeah…thought so. I know…I know you are probably thinking, “Well a magic bunny does sound pretty cool but what are you going to do with it?” I guess one has to think a bit outside the box to understand the full scope of a magical bunny’s awesomeness.

It is a SMART magic bunny. He can use his magical brain powers of intelligence to direct me in money making endeavors such as which stocks to invest in but that’s not very creative. We could become a famous act in Las Vegas that people go to see. Instead of a magician pulling a bunny out of a hat, the bunny will pull me out =)

I could talk to the bunny for hours about the mysteries of the universe and we could contemplate the possibilities of other intelligent life forms. I could cuddle with the magical bunny at night and he can softly whisper stories to me like an audio book before I sleep. He can wake me up in the morning with twitchy nose kisses and he can use his ears to tell me what the weather is going to be like outside. And if it was cold, he would wrap himself around my neck to keep me warm while using his little paws to massage me. We would complete each others sentences!!

I think it would also be awesome if he perched on my shoulder like a parrot and made humorous comments at people as they walked by. There are many possibilities.

When it comes to the one million dollars vs. magical bunny predicament, I guess it depends on what kind of person you are and what you consider valuable. Personally, I like the idea of a permanent furry companion and having a furry companion that could verbally communicate with me would be even more ridiculously awesome. I mean, how many pet lovers out there wish their pets could talk back to them?

Oh well…I guess it doesn’t really matter because the probability of being offered a magical bunny is quite minute.

But wouldn’t it be so cool…